Sweet Lie

Dear love,

I read somewhere that we shouldn't take decisions when we are sad, and I'm very sad right now so I'll not take any. 

Although I really want to leave you alone. Things you said to me when you were drunk, I know you meant them. 

I know that you respect me and care for me and you love me as well. But not like that. You'd cry the day we will part our ways, you'd even cry just even thinking about it. 

But you still won't love me back. You already said that this is because of you, not me. And that you have an image inside your head, this ideal image of your last love that you keep trying to find in every girl you meet.

Unfortunately, I'm not her. I don't know if you'll find her or someone like her whom you can love confidently. I hope you do, I really hope you find what you are looking for. 'Cause if you don't then all this suffering will be for nothing. 

I sometimes laugh at the way we are so perfectly wrong for each other. You said it yourself that you don't see us being together in future and I said it first. 

Then why does it feels so right? I wish you could love me. I wish I could unlove you

maybe. 

I wish this wasn't so fucking difficult.  

You recall her as the most beautiful part of your life. And I see you, empty handed. Something inside me wants to get up and walk out like an offended person. But it's hard to be angry when I know I'm the only who'd be able to listen to you talking about it. 

You tell me that you're not running from it. That you know the truth of the past. That you just feel all things sometimes.

But, my love, if you aren't running from it then why do you keep getting tired every once in a while and go back to trying to live the sweet lie again?